Bloggercises: Redundancies 5
February 21st 2009 22:57
This is a simple exercise aimed at helping you become a better writer. The exercise is not difficult. It is not a test. The aim is to foster the habit of checking for redundant words or phrases. Text cleared of redundancies shows that you care about your message. The rule holds for poetry, trash talk, descriptive prose, commentary etc.
In each of the following sentences, remove or change words to make the writing tighter. The answers are below.
This now explains a lot about yesterday's events.
This is very, very poor writing.
Meet me at 4am tomorrow morning.
It makes no difference whether you like it or not.
Sections C and G need to be attached together.
He was just standing there, an anonymous stranger.
Are you seriously asking for my personal opinion?
Much wisdom can be found in the old proverbs.
It was long, thin and shiny in appearance.
I have been held up by an unexpected emergency.
INTERLUDE
The world is quickly becoming aware of the vibrancy of Vietnamese art. It reflects both the ancient influence of China and the influence of the recent French colonial period. Image:
Season of Red Leaves, Oil on canvas, by Truong Tuan Kiet; www.vietnam-oilpainting.com
Season of Red Leaves, Oil on canvas, by Truong Tuan Kiet; www.vietnam-oilpainting.com
This explains a lot about yesterday's events.
This is poor writing.
Meet me at 4am tomorrow.
It makes no difference whether you like it.
Sections C and G need to be attached.
He was just standing there, a stranger.
Are you seriously asking for my opinion?
Much wisdom can be found in proverbs.
It was long, thin and shiny.
I have been held up by an emergency.
With help from grammar.about.com
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Comment by Teresa Ralton
MRS SMITH
READ THIS
SISTERS IN CRIME
This is definitely one of the ways to improve writing.
Sections C&G... - am I misreading or is the answer the same?
What about: He stood there, a stranger
Do you really want my opinion?
Proverbs contain much wisdom
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
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Thank you! Where's a good editor when you need one ...
Your other suggestions would be valid if we were simply trying to pare the sentences to their minimum, but I think removing those extra words changes style rather than removes redundancies, if you see what I mean.
Thanks again for the C&G correction.
Comment by Teresa Ralton
MRS SMITH
READ THIS
SISTERS IN CRIME
Comment by Poobah
Your original read 'Sections C and G need to be attached together'.
Your edited version read 'Sections C and G need to be attached.' It was different after all, unless I'm missing something, which is entirely possible.
And that just goes to prove that despite what some of us editors like to believe, you can't always trust your editor. Blessed are the proofreaders.... and no offence at all to Teresa. :>
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither